I was speaking to one of my mentee's and we were discussing dreams, goals and visions. As we began discussion we started talking about things that he loved to do. I also began to speak about things that I loved. After a lengthy conversation we were talking about making ourselves open to life and allowing things to happen for ourselves by taking action. "We need to declare what we want, you know take risks. I guess make ourselves vulnerable to dreams.", I told him. When I said the word vulnerable he immediately responded with weakness. I had to pause for a second. I sat there and allowed that to marinate in my brain. Weakness, weakness...weakness. Does vulnerability mean weakness? Words associated with weakness are frail, feeble, powerless and uncertain. Of course as faith has it I came across an amazing video through a friend by Brené Brown on dun dun dun...vulnerability!! Brené Brown studies human connection and gave a great lecture at a TED forum. I watched her talk (3 times consecutively) and sat there reflecting. She actually spoke about vulnerability as being strong and courageous, not being weak or powerless. She spoke about those who are vulnerable believe they are worthy:
People who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of love and belonging...our fear is that we're not worthy of connection...they fully embraced vulnerability. They have a sense of courage...they had the compassion to be kind to themselves first...they believed what made them vulnerable made them beautiful.
She continued talking about those who are vulnerable are risk takers regardless of the circumstance:
They just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say "I love you" first, the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees, the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram. Their willingness to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.
Over the past few years I associated vulnerability with being guarded (It takes a lot of energy to be guarded until it becomes effortless). I always viewed being vulnerable as never allowing others seeing your emotions or never allowing others knowing how you feel; a life of a continuous poker face. Vulnerability in the world of war could lead to an open attack, a weakness in defense, it can lead to hurt. Was I always like this? No. How did I get this way? I've always been shy with certain things in my life (some people don't believe me) and I still am shy/reserved with certain things. Being honest it may have also been because I was hurt in the past and I once considered myself open and free with my love/vulnerability; I slowly started to shut down. It was difficult for me to confidently share my dreams because of the fear of rejection but I have grown much in stating my dreams and visions and making them happen. I guess I never related it to being vulnerable but hey, I’m growing like a big boy!
I still need to allow vulnerability to grow in my love life. This has always been tricky for me and many people out there. That whole letting someone know how you feel thing is sssccarrryyy. Maybe you told someone you really liked how you felt about them and your conversation went like this: "I really like you. How do you feel? Do you like me? Not that way. Oohhh ok. That's cool, I didn't like you that much anyway. I was just playing." Ha! It's not funny but you can try and play it off that it didn't mean much to you but that fear of rejection keeps us from making moves. Not just in relationship stuff but with our goals, with our dreams. But being fearless and vulnerable could also lead to this type of convo, "I need to tell you that I like you. Not like a hand high five kind of like but a high five involving our lips kind of like", and as your heart pounds as they stare back they respond with, "You know, I like you too. I was just afraid to say anything. I was afraid you didn't feel the same way." Bamn! Just like Brené Brown said, we have to be courageous. We have to be vulnerable to give ourselves in a relationship in order for it to work. I realized that I wasn't giving all of myself in my past relationship. It wasn't fair to her and I was always sorry about that and apologize because she deserved the maximum amount of love, which she will get. For a while I thought I was making a mistake when we broke up but realized that in my heart I wasn't 100% in love the way I know I should be and could be. But I did learn one thing. She took a risk. She said I love you first. She wasn't afraid to be courageous and I was truly thankful and appreciative of that. I had a great example to pull from. Her courage was amazing!
After seeing Brené Browns vulnerability talk I decided to take a few steps toward being courageous in my life. I have been creating for myself and I'm taking risks with my endeavors. I started my own business’s and taking a risk in creating my own art and future.
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