I love you

Love. Love is such a powerful word. It means so much. For a long time I knew there was importance in the word. Maybe it's from all the movies that I watched as a kid. Love conquers all seems to be the theme. There is always the guy who falls for the girl but something always keeps them apart and at the end of the film they end up together...usually. There are some films where the two lovers don't but for the most part they do. Well, I guess I'm writing to tell my love story, which is not done as of yet.

Over two years ago I met this girl named Lizzy. I met her in New York but I'm from Los Angeles. I was actually supposed to leave NY a few days before but there was a storm so it ruined a couple of my days there. My friend that I was staying with was having a birthday celebration and so I decided that I would extend my trip and attend. I was about to leave the party later in the evening and had finished saying my goodbyes. Someone had stopped me and started talking to me. This caused me to stay an additional 15 minutes or so. In that time in walked Lizzy. I saw her and thought she was cute. ( I have this thing where girls are all cute but they are beautiful when their soul is amazing). I decided to stay. Well, to make this a little bit shorter we ended up hanging out. We went out and I started gaining feelings for her. After a few months (Which was way too long) I asked her officially to be my girlfriend. It was very awkward because I'm an awkward guy, especially when it comes to romance. The year was great but I ended the relationship. I was in a weird place in my life. I wasn't sure what I wanted from my life in general and I felt like crap because I didn't want to drag someone amazing into my life problems. I knew she deserved the best and deserved the most ultimate love and at that moment I couldn't offer this. I felt terrible when we broke up and even when we did break up part of me wanted to call her back and tell her I messed up. Selfishly I still wanted her in my life even though I was the one who hurt her. She told me she had a string of relationships where she wan't fully loved. I didn't want to add to her history but at the end I felt as if I hurt her the most. She and I spoke sporadically at first but then we began talking as if we were still together. Anytime I had some great news I wanted to call her. I wanted to hear her voice before I went to bed. I cared for her and didn't want to let her go. I really did love this women. There were times on the phone I was about to utter the words "I love you" but held back. I knew there were strong emotions but my fear was dragging her back into something I wan't 100% sure about. I wasn't 100% sure because of her, I wasn't sure of myself.

I've also told Lizzy and many people in my life that I never had a best friend. At a young age I began to tell myself and I firmly believe that I will marry my best friend. One day Lizzy called me up and told me that she couldn't talk to me for a while. That she needed to clear the way for love in her life. Part of me understood because she deserves the absolute best. Another part of me was pissed off because I didn't want her being with another person and I wanted to offer her the best. I wanted Lizzy to be with me. I was really emotional when she wanted to take a "talking" break. I was upset and during my conversation I told her that her that not speaking to me was messed up and that she can't do this because she was/is "my best friend". " My best friend". I said those words and I didn't even realize it until that exact moment that she was the one all along. She was the one that I was meant to be with. I was a bit afraid because I wanted to make sure how I felt was for real for real. We still talked to each other and more and more my feelings were growing beyond when we were together. I realized that I did love Lizzy and I wanted her back. I had a plan. I wanted to head to NY and plan a romantic week with her. I had couples dinner class planned, dinner at a nice restaurant another night, flowers scheduled to be delivered to her job and I had little gifts of her favorite things planted. (I'm usually an ok gift giver but with her I'm an amazing gift giver because I actually listen to her). I even bought a ring. Yeah. I bought a ring. (She doesn't read my blog or even realizes it exists). I have been sitting on this ring for a little while now. It's gorgeous and I always look at it. I was going to NY and going to take her on a real date but I kept on having to postpone my trip. Well, in all that prepping and wanting to tell her in person she started to date someone. She said she was nervous in telling me because I know she has feelings. I just needed to give her the damn green light. (All of this time I realized that she always loved me and I was damn lucky). I was a bit upset but in reality what right did I have to get mad? I never told her how I really felt but what scared me even more is that did this mean that she no longer had feelings for me? I thought about it and at the end of the day I knew/know that she loves me. I ended up telling her over the phone how I felt. It was a shocker to her because I came full force with my feelings. I normally have hard time displaying my feelings. But when you know you know. Before I told her how I felt I prayed to God and I told him that no other man would love this women more than I would. No other person would shower her with so much love, attention, honesty and passion as me. I would never hurt her and always be there for her. I made this promise to God and I intend on keeping it.

I know that Lizzy is the one. I know people get caught up with the one talk but I've never felt this way before. Lizzy enhances me. The only other person who does this for me is God. She makes me laugh, think, motivates me and makes me feel loved. Most importantly I want to make her feel loved. I want to  make her laugh, smile, think, work hard and most importantly feel safe. I know there are still some hang ups on her end and she is figuring things out but I can't stop. I need to continue to prove my truthful love and one day in the near future I will get to pop the question..."Lizzy, would you do me the blessings of being not only my wife but my best friend for this life and beyond? I promise to always cherish, respect and honor you. You are my family. You know my pulse. Will you marry me?" I want the chapter in my life book called happiness to start now and it all begins with her.

All of this sounds simple? No. I've been having a hard time and all I know is that I am willing to do anything for this women. I love Lizzy and I know I'm not crazy when I say this but she was created by God for me. Thank you God. You did an incredible job, wow.

Well, since I started this topic about love and film here is one my all time favorite endings to a love movie from When Harry Met Sally. You know, all of this writing makes me realize that I've never had a real New Years kiss. Crap. I predict that Lizzy and I will be celebrating Christmas and New Years together.....enjoy.